The Gay Guy’s Comprehensive Guide to Dating After 50

If you are seeking love, these pointers can get you headed within the right way.

By Dave Singleton, April 4, 2011 | remarks: 0

Bette Davis used to say, “Getting older ain’t for sissies. “

Amen! Neither is dating at midlife — especially if you should be a homosexual man.

Whether you are solitary again following the end of the long-term relationship or perhaps you’ve been with us the block once or twice nevertheless from the look for Mr. Right, homosexual relationship is not effortless.

Tim Kitchen/Getty Images

No real matter what how old you are, focus on being your self that is best when dating.

But never let that become your reason for sitting house on Saturday evening viewing reruns for the Golden Girls.

These techniques makes it possible to develop your internal explorer to create dating after 50 only a little less daunting:

1. Confront your worries

You are never ever too old to get love, but that is maybe not a note men that are gay often. Why? After several years of “working on ourselves” and fighting social prejudice to achieve self-esteem, many of us find it difficult to keep it. The hurdle this time around? The community that is gay — okay, let us come on, mostly the homosexual male community’s — ageism.

“Inside the community that is gay negative stereotypes reinforce the fact that homosexual relationships are based solely on real attraction, and that as soon as youth begins to diminish, our company is unlikely to possess any real or lasting relationships, ” claims Rik Isensee, composer of isn’t it time? The Gay Guy’s Guide to Thriving at Midlife.


  • Boomers and Internet Dating. Listen
  • Romancing on a tight budget. Browse
  • Solitary when it comes to Holidays. Read

Worried you’re not good-looking enough anymore? Whom’d desire you whenever there is some 30-year-old hottie switching everybody’s minds in the fitness center? Do not also let your self get there. Focus rather on being your self that is best, no real matter what how old you are. And remember that the most crucial traits — commitment, humor, cleverness and compassion — are ageless.

If you believe you’re too old for love or you stopped thinking as possible find anyone to love who’ll love you straight back, think again. Perchance you simply stopped believing when you look at the sorts of naive love as you are able to just trust if you are young. But exactly what concerning the deeper, more mature love that permits the wide spectral range of experience and truth? This is where you really need to set your places.

2. Embrace the new truth

For virtually any 20-something entering the dating that is gay filled with wide-eyed wonder, there is a 50-something ( or a 60-, 70- or older-something) guy right back in the marketplace after a relationship finishes. One is learning the principles; the other has “been here, dated that” and miracles, “Now exactly what? ” It’s daunting to consider beginning over.

The fact is that you have attained your actual age. You actually can bought it. Concentrate on everything you’ve gained experiences that are— rich accomplishments, survivor abilities and knowledge. Your following partner that is romantic take advantage of all that, and from your own interests for the life span that is in front of you.

Throw in the towel wishing you might turn back time. Stop trying attempting to be perfect, too, particularly when that’s a rule term for “young. ” Yes, it is critical to care for the human body along with your wellness, but you don’t need to obsess. In place of wanting to be 25 once again, get comfortable in the skin. Feel well regarding the human anatomy. By doing this, an individual details you, they’ll sense you, and never a bundle of self-critical stress. Think more about maintaining a sparkle in your eyes much less on fighting the lines that are fine them.

3. Pick your meet ‘n’ greet venues sensibly

Does walking into a homosexual club make you feel more away from destination than Lady Gaga searching for clothes at a shopping mall?

Yes, it is true that the Olympic-sized pool of dating prospects you swam in years ago appears like a lap lane whenever you reach finally your 50s. So that the most useful bet is always to cast a wider internet. Log off regarding the sideline to get taking part in your interests and passions. For instance, while you get fresh air and exercise if you like the outdoors, join a gay hiking or walking group, and meet men. Concentrate on smaller events, events predicated on hobbies, and volunteer possibilities. And, us who don’t have a ton of time or want to hang out at bars if you haven’t already, try online dating, which is bringing new hope to those of.

Take a look at web sites such as for instance Match which will help you see relationships that are long-term flings or hookups. Then create a profile that reflects who will be you, what you want and includes current photos. Never upload the profile that is online of Gray by revealing your shiny youth. In terms of truth in advertising, it is the one thing to shave a few years down. It is another to omit a decade that is entire! Then be real if you want a real relationship. Lying raises a significant flag that is red. Your date shall wonder, “If he’s perhaps maybe not truthful about their age, exactly what other lies is he telling? “

4. Be self-aware, not rigid

One advantageous asset of age is self-awareness. Whenever you understand your self better, you are able to quickly shape up what you need in some other person. Perchance you’re more careful about very very first times and immediately nix an useless night that is second. You are fast to evaluate in case your date wishes the exact same standard of relationship while you, whether that is casual or committed. You recognize dysfunction and mismatches faster now you were younger than you did when.

But it doesn’t mean you need to be rigid and inflexible. Keep a available brain and make an effort to expand your perspectives. Talk to a guy that isn’t your “type” and stretch your boundaries. And thus just just what if he does not immediately hit you as hot and sexy? Now it may be reassuring to locate a partner who is able to relate genuinely to your experiences along with your perspective, and contains the pop that is same references you are doing.

It is also an idea that is good pose a question to your closest buddies for regular feedback (yes, inquire further to offer input in your actions and alternatives), so that you do not get stuck in your methods.

5. Understand it is possible to be happy and single

Hey, you don’t need to tell me it is tough being homosexual, solitary and over 50. It isn’t like homosexual subculture has offered us plenty of joyfully dating, older homosexual male role models. With the concentrate on wedding equality today, it is easy for homosexual guys to consider that being solitary and delighted can be an oxymoron.

There is more concentrate on engaging in a committed relationship than there was on making certain it is the right one. The fact is that sometimes when you wish a relationship therefore poorly, you draft 1st candidate that is reasonable. Or perhaps you’re miserable because there isn’t any possibility beingshown to people there. Neither is a good option.

Don’t be satisfied with anything lower than chemistry, provided values/lifestyle/goals, trust, and an ever growing and abiding relationship.

Particularly at this stage of life, why would a relationship is wanted by you that does not enable you to get delight? I will think about one thing far worse than being single, homosexual and older. Being combined, unhappy and gay.

Dave Singleton works for AARP Publications and has now written two publications and columns that are numerous dating and relationships.