My partner wishes a lover that is lesbian can it end our wedding?


For 12 years, my relationship with my wife was a good one out of all aspects. We love one another dearly and our sex-life is very good.

But about eight months ago my partner began to ask in a playful, non-serious means the way I would feel in regards to the notion of having an other woman join us for intercourse sessions. I thought she ended up being joking and responded appropriately.

Three months ago my partner told me she had started to realise that she ended up being bisexual. She asked once again the way I felt about an other woman joining us every once in awhile, or about her having a relationship with a woman occasionally if I was not comfortable with this, how would I felt?

She assured me personally it could never influence the standard of our relationship whatsoever.

We informed her I happened to be unhappy about either situation, but by surprise and I needed some time to think about it that she had taken me. Fleetingly afterward we informed her myself engaged in any kind of sexual relationship with anyone else that I could not live in a relationship where either my wife or.

I’m sure that a lot of guys would probably love the theory of experiencing two females during sex, however it’s crucial that you me personally which our sex-life continues to be ‘ours only’. Within my heart personally i think that it would spell the end of the relationship in the long run if she took another lover.

A couple of weeks ago my spouse dropped another bombshell.

She explained that she was in fact thinking it over since our final conversation and she felt I became being unjust. She stated the actual fact that she knows this woman is bisexual ensures that in spite of how much we love the other person, with no matter exactly how good our sex-life is, she will never ever be completely satisfied in one single facet of her life.

She says she seems in this aspect of her sexuality, and she should be allowed to explore this side of her nature that it’s only adultery if she was to sleep with another man, but the very fact that I am male means it’s impossible for me to fulfil her.

I stuck to my guns with this matter, but she said that she felt that she will have to end the marriage, against her desires, because she needed to at the least experience intercourse with a female. That’s where we left it.

Have always been i truly being unreasonable become therefore against her having a feminine lover? We can’t stay the concept of losing her, specially when she will not wish our relationship to get rid of. Have always been we being unfair to her or less than understanding never to enable the wedding to carry on if she’s got a female lover?


David writes:

You are in a terrible situation right here and I’m very sorry certainly to listen to about this. No, I do not think you are being at all ‘unreasonable’ or ‘unfair’. Numerous husbands would not happen as understanding as you have been, and could have simply ‘gone from the deep end’.

By the real method, from previous experience, I would state it really is very most likely that your particular spouse currently has some other woman in your mind. She might even went a way later on to a real relationship with her.

This might be all extremely sad, since there is a chance that is high it is going to end up in the termination of one’s wedding. The hope that is best will be for you personally along with your missus to go together for counselling. Relate are accustomed to working with these ‘three in a bed’ problems and they’ve got branches in your county.

Christine adds:

We too have always been extremely sorry to know of the situation. It appears in my opinion that anything you do, or whatever your spouse chooses to complete, your relationship is not likely to be exactly like it had been.

Nonetheless, that will not suggest it offers become terrible. Personally I think by using such love between you, it may be possible to save the marriage, though it is not going to be easy as you have.

I would personally state that Relate counselling is crucial. May I additionally declare that you contact an organisation called FFLAG. This is short for Friends and groups of Lesbians and Gays. They must be in a position to offer someone so that you can speak with – somebody who has experienced what you are needing to straighten out now. Their helpline figures are 01454 852418 or 00845-6520314.

You have possessed a hell of a surprise, but while you state your spouse was truthful with you – in terms of we could tell. If you are prepared to work hard to save your marriage so you do need to ask yourself. It, it is going to require compromise on both sides if you are to save.

Dr David Delvin, GP, and Christine Webber, sex and relationships specialist